The Bricksionary - A Guide To IC* Song Lyrics

(AKA a crash course in LARP references in songs by The Bricks so that any non-LARPers who stumble across this will know why our stuff is funny)

Aegyptus:

A desert land pockmarked with pyramids, where they worship Ancestors with animals for heads. Once a scary and hostile land which nobody knew much about, until the birth of the Jackal faction. Now it’s part of Jackal lands, which nobody cares much about.

Albion:

A land populated by the Harts, a faction full of tea-swilling fops and toffs.

Ancestor:

Politically correct term for a God.

Bard's Contest:

A competition between competing Bards which happens bi-annually. It has been set up with the sole purpose of frustrating Lester, who never wins because the judges are biased.

Caledonia:

A land populated by the Bears faction, a people known for their unconvincing accents, tendency to drink even more excessively than the peoples of other factions (and usually not be able to hold that drink afterwards), and for their strange fixation with wearing tartan skirts. Even the men. ESPECIALLY the men.

Cassius:

Ancestor of Getting Away With It, also known as The Ancestor Who Cares. He helped write a lot of the songs with his infinite wisdom, but likes to stay out of the public eye as far as barding is concerned, partly because of his involvement in writing The Offensive Song.

Crampons:

A word for some climbing equipment, for which Kasimir had to think really hard to find a suitable rhyme.

Crypt:

What people read from during particularly well organised rituals. Oh no, that's a script...

Dark Alliance:

The bad guys. Except they're the good guys now because the Wolves have joined them.

Demon:

Powerful and self-serving creatures from the Void. They’re big fans of making deals and pacts with people, and usually find loopholes in the wordings of agreements to make sure things work out in their favour. What’s not well-known is that all demons are obliged to follow The Demon Code, a long and complex list of rules written in archaic and inscrutable legalese.

Diplomacy:

The source of all crapness. It is some kind of technique which involves settling disputes without killing all the Forinjars. It'll never catch on.

Drow:

The race everyone loves to hate. They're black with white or silver mullety hair, they live underground where they perform Evil, and they're run by scary looking dominatrix women. Cowards and traitors, more likely to murder you in your sleep than face you on the battlefield. Simultaneously comical and a bit scary.

Dwarves:

They've got beards and live under mountains and mine gold. They're short and not particularly attractive but we're informed that they probably have some decent drinking songs. Also, they have lots of gold, which they are able to use to bribe hard-up Norscan songwriters into writing songs that cast these hirsute diminutive metallurgical troglodytes in a more positive light.

Elder Races:

Elves, Fey, Dwarves and Ologs. They're still a bit miffed about the Elder Wars, when the humans gave them a good kicking an epoch or so ago. The brief reactivation of The Mordred Device in 1102 really, really annoyed them.

Elves:

Pointy eared Elder Race. Known for their dextrousness, elegance and wisdom, but not for their sense of humour. Preening narcissists, the lot of them. Allegedly, they have no naughty parts (at least, The Bricks have alleged this).

Enthralling:

The process of making thralls. Generally involves a longship, some manacles, and a crew with excellent powers of persuasion (and/or axes)

Erdreja:

The World. The Forinjar name for Midgard.

ErdrejaVision Song Contest:

Not a real song contest. How drunk WERE we when we wrote that song?

Fey:

Mystical fairy-like Elder Race. They come in two zesty flavours: Seelie and Unseelie. We can't tell the difference though. They have this thing called Glamour as well, but we didn't really do our research to find out what that was all about.

Forinjar:

The Norscan map of the world is split up into four distinct regions: Norsca, Orkneyjar, Sicilijar and Forinjar. We own all of it, although the Forinjars sometimes need to be gently reminded of that fact.

Forinjars:

People from Forinjar. Thralls waiting to happen.

Gnomes:

Little blokes with beards and silly hats. It is alleged that "Kara does gnomes", but never to her face.

Goblin:

Irritating, ugly green creatures who are in no way attractive. At least until they start to dance. The cognitive dissonance of arousal and disgust (not to mention their incredible sense of rhythm) can rupture a person.

God:

Norscan word for Ancestor.

Gravel Chops:

Lester's name for his boss, landlord and Ancestor Cassius.

Gribbly:

Generic term for a monster. Loosely, anything which isn't a human.

Guild Rank:

A contract which binds you to a life of paperwork and tedious beuracracy.

Heartlands, The:

Most of the explored world. The Wolves own the bits which haven't been explored too, but they just haven't made maps of those places yet.

Hobbits:

Another bunch of short people. Kasimir once saw a hobbit barmaid he rather fancied, but was confused somewhat by problems of scale.

IC:

In-Character. Like The Bricks definitely always are. Because we're professionals, and not just a bunch of prats pratting around.

Incanting:

Channeling power from the Ancestors. Normally this is a good thing and can be used for healing and getting rid of zombies and stuff but when the Mordred Device was active it would age and eventually kill any Elder Races who happened to be standing too close. The Elder Races were not chuffed and Incanting was banned, except for Cassius' brand of "Elder Race Safe Incanting". He really does care.

Incantor Wedge:

A triangle of incantors, which is meant to be good at getting rid of necromantic things. We'd like to see more research into other shapes, and perhaps introduce the sport of formation incanting.

Juggler:

A pain in the neck.

Jugular:

A vein in the neck.

Kara:

Former Queen of Norsca, and the Lady of the Forest. As has been written in song, she is both funky and spunky.

Kasimir Svettirsson:

The Skald of Love. Known for his dodgy blond hairpiece and dodgy stuffed codpiece. A hit with all the ladies. Joined The Bricks after the death of Tunar Bluefinsson. He looked and sounded a bit like Tunar, in fact. And knew all the same songs. Weird. Died in a bizarre thrall surfing incident, and now presumably resides in Thralhalla, the afterlife for thralls. Or his pattern got ripped to shreds and scattered across the void. Or got eaten by Loki. One of those things.

Kender:

A particularly irritating breed of squeakies. They're probably all thieves, unlike hobbits.

Lawkeeper:

An inaccurate name for Lawspeaker

Lawspeaker:

Someone who interprets and applies the law, and doles out suitable (or unsuitable) punishments. They take a dim view on Necromancy (amongst other things), because it's illegal.

Lester:

The Depresseder Jester Who's Bester, the Pope With A Hope, The Fool With The Tools, The Prat In The Hat. Former Heartland Games Champion and former Wolves High Bard (a position he liked to call Wolf Faction Chief War Jester Wot Is Dead Good). Basically he's the untalented one in the Bricks who just leeches off the talent of the others and takes more than his fair share of credit. He likes writing songs about himself, and is still cut up about a short-lived marriage to an Elven Princess which went bad when she left him for a paladin.

Light Alliance:

The "Good Guys". Part of a multi-faction group which the Wolf Faction were in for a bit before we turned evil and joined The Dark Alliance, and through the miracle of diplomacy forgot all the crimes of our former enemies.

Llolth:

The spider Ancestor worshipped by most of the Trannies. We don't know anything more about her than that, but we mock her anyway.

Loki:

The best Ancestor. The Norscan trickster God, who is all about pulling sweet-ass pranks and having a proper laugh. Well, and conspiring to murder people, and having weird shape-shifting horsey sex, but whatever.

Lycanthropes:

Another name for Werewolves. A slightly pretentious one, if you ask us.

Mage Bolt:

Ouchy magic. A magicky person points, says some magic words, and then the person they’re pointing at sort of explodes and falls over. A bit like archery, or throwing bricks, but more effective and you don’t have to go and collect all your ammunition from the bodies after a fight.

Matron Mother:

A female drow wot is in charge of any number of male Drow. The women wear the trousers in Drow society, which is good because most of them don't have very nice legs.

Mermaid:

A creature which is half beautiful woman, half fish. But which half is which?

Militia:

Sort of like policemen, except they get to make up the law themselves. Being in the militia basically gives you a carte blanche to "arrest", detain, fleece or otherwise punish or mug people.

Mojo:

We know what it is, but we're not telling. It's a secret.

Necromancer:

Someone who raises dead people up to fight again as zombies or skellybons or vampires or something. They tend not to be very pleasant people.

Necromantic:

Relating to anything which died but got back up again, although this doesn't apply to Lester (who has died on stage on many occasions but tragically lived to tell the tale)

Nippleheim:

The place that you get taken if you're shagged to death. Not to be confused with Niflheim which is far less pleasant as afterlife choices go.

No Effect:

International phrase meaning "Ner ner, that didn't hurt me!". Even gribblies who can't talk can say this.

Norks:

The top front parts of a lady. They are known by many names, and come in all shapes and sizes and colours. Green ones are the origin of the phrase “The Orc’s Norks”, which we’ve just made up and wish we had put into the song.

Norsca:

Home to most of the Wolves. Pleasant enough, but not known for its warm weather, long summers, or tolerance for controversial song lyrics.

Norscan Song Commission:

A self-selected panel of Norscans who take it upon themselves to give grief and hassle to honest hard-working bards and try to ban their songs, even though the bards are just trying to have a laugh and get people to lighten up. Sheesh.

Ologs:

Ogre-y type creatures. Typically big, brown and toothy. Known for their impressive strength but they tend not to be the most intelligent of chaps. But don't mind them.

Other Factions:

For convenience, Forinjar has been split into a number of districts which the locals like to call factions. In roughly the order we insult them in Do You Speak Norscan?, they are: Gryphons, Vipers, Harts, Lions, Dragons, Bears, Unicorns, Trannies, Jackals and the Sicilijans (who aren't so much a faction as a bunch of people who live in Sicilijar and whom we mostly like)

Paladin:

Like a shiny, religious knight-type person. They’d ride horses if those existed, but they don’t, so the Ancestors just give them the power to just sit on the moral high ground instead. And steal people’s wives, as Lester found out to his intense sadness. Bloody paladins.

Potions:

Something Kasimir doesn't want. Lester tests potions occasionally for the Alchemists Guild to see if they're dangerous.

Radek:

King of Norsca (a prince back when “A Wolf Prince Should Never Have Fleas” was written). An alright sort of chap, once you look past the personal hygiene issues and the tendency to drool.

Real Trousers:

Better known as "hero pants". The more voluminous the pants, the more heroic the wearer. Lester's hero pants are 24-ferret pants (a ferret being the standard unit of trouser volume). Saint Anders' hero pants are bigger, but thankfully less yellow.

Ritual Slot:

An appointment to do a 15 minute play for the amusement of the Ancestors. If they like it, they give you shiny presents. If they don't, you explode.

Scrolls:

Something Kasimir doesn't want. Lester has a scroll which Loki signed. It says "To whom it may concern, I said they could do it and I am the best Ancestor. Lots of love, Loki". Apparently the Wolf legal system doesn't recognise this as admissable evidence during a trial.

Squeakies:

Irritating brightly coloured jingly creatures with annoying voices who are obsessed with shiny things (for instance, coins). Lester vehemently denies secretly being a squeaky.

Stake:

The traditional weapon for vampire killing. Not to be confused with Steak, which is often what Kasimir gets paid in for playing music in Erdreja's eateries.

Tarantula Faction, The:

The target of most of the Bricks' rage and mockery. They consist mainly of Drow and necromantic things who all need a right good stabbing up for stuff they did in 1102 (that's 2002 in Earth years) when they were part of the Dark Alliance. They nicked King Vlad and 12 Norscan warriors died getting him back. But apparently they'd taught him Diplomacy so we never got a chance to retaliate.

Ten Gold:

Considerably more than The Bricks earn in a year. Considerably less than the cost of a ritual slot. In a brothel ten gold can buy you a lot.

Teutonia:

Home of the Viper faction. The largest nation in the Heartlands, and arguably the most dangerous. Populated mostly by monsters, demons and unliving. Home to a number of scary places including Trieste (home to a university dedicated to demonology and necromancy), the Black Forest (where all those terrifying fairy stories you heard as a kid come from), Reiskarg (a ritual circle made of Warpstone, which will deform you into a thrashing mass of tentacles within seconds), the Blood Marshes (a vast swamp riddled with incredibly hostile unliving creatures), and Beck (formerly home to some traitorous unliving, now home to some presumably slightly less traitorous Fey).

Thorkal Gudbardsson:

AKA the Hard Bard. Some Volsung bloke with a guitar that turned up and started playing Bricks songs after Kasimir died. Actually looks and sounds a bit like Kasimir. And Tunar, for that matter. And he knows all the same songs. Weird.

Thrall:

A Forinjar who has the honour of performing menial tasks for a Norscan master. They are even paid for their work, although most of their wages are tax deductable and can be claimed back as soon as they're paid. Not to be confused with "slave", which is spelt differently.

Trannies:

Derogatory nickname for the Tarantula Faction. Not to be confused for a bloke in a dress - the nickname for that is "mage".

Tunar Bluefinsson:

AKA Saint Tunar The Controversial. Founding member of The Bricks (along with Lester and Cassius), pioneer of the “New Wave Of Norscan Satiricial Viking Folk” with his seminal work, “Do You Speak Norscan?”, and a key member of the songwriting team on early hits such as “The Offensive Song”. Was sadly murdered by a Hyperborean hit squad.

Underdark:

A huge underground cavern network running underneath all the Heartlands, which is home to the Tarantula Faction. So called because it's underground, and dark. Imaginitive...

Unliving:

People or things which are dead but still walking around. Famous examples include Zombies, Vampires, Lester, and Lester’s Career.

Valhalla:

The place where warriors go if they died in battle. They can eat, drink, sing and ogle Valkyries as much as they want there for eternity. Lester's name isn't on the list, so he's not getting in. Unfortunately, when some young Norscans first hear tales about heroes who died in battle and went to Valhalla, they get the wrong idea about which part of those stories is the important bit.

Valkyrie:

A hot chick in combat gear. They turn up to take dead people to Valhalla, which is jolly nice of them because most people don't know the way.

Vampire:

Particularly nasty necromantic creatures wot drink blood, sleep in coffins and don't like sunlight. In 1104 a female vampire who looked strangely familiar saw off a rather disturbing quantity of Wolves.

Vanamoiinen Forest:

The place where The Offensive Song and One On One were written. One On One was inspired by events there in which Kara (now Queen Kara) became The Lady Of The Forest, which had something to do with trees we suppose.

Vetrheim:

The cold, largely uninhabited bit in the North of Norsca. Apparently a good place for despotic self-proclaimed ex-Viper Barons to build fortresses without the locals kicking up too much of a fuss.

Vlad:

Former King of Norsca. He was a werewolf and a jolly nice chap, albeit a pacifist. He was far too reluctant to start a bloody war/massacre against the Drow for our liking.

Warlock:

Like, a special kind of wizard? That’s really good at doing that snooty type of magic that really hurts. We think that’s what they are, anyway.

Wereavampalockadin (aka Wereapalalockapire, Vampawerealockadin, Palavampawerealock, Waravampapalawere…):

A creature of immense power, comprised of the combined strength and abilities of the so-called “sliding specials”: Werewolves, Vampires, Warlocks and Paladins. The fact that it is impossible to be more than one of these things at once is no reason not to aspire towards such greatness. Note: To become a Vampire you have to get bitten by one. To become one of the other kinds of creatures, you almost certainly have to do something other than get bitten by them. Who ever heard of a Warlock Bite? Still, consistency and poetic license are a BardMindstrelJesterSkald’s best friend.

Werewolf:

A man that turns into a REALLY BIG DOG when the full moon is out. Lots of famous people in the Wolves are/were werewolves, which makes it the most accurately-named faction.

Whale Road:

Poetic Norscan term for “the sea”

Wolf Faction, The:

The World's Greatest Barbarian Horde. The Bricks are all Wolves (except Lester, who was a Wolf but has defected to the Vipers), as are many of their biggest fans and most vocal critics. We like fighting and singing, and have got rather good at it. One day we will manage to bring all of the Heartlands under the relentless yoke of imperialist oppression. The Forinjars will thank us for it eventually.

Zombie:

A necromantic creature known for their rotting flesh and their love of eating brains, but not known for their intelligence or polite dinner conversation.